Heel click

Director Dick Lumbard has performed on the Broadway stage numerous times, directed some of theater’s finest actors, and even taught Tim Allen how to dance (he had a guest spot on an episode of ABC’s “Home Improvement.”), and now he has agreed to take on what may easily rank as his proudest achievement: dancing side by side with Dance, Dance, Revolution legend, James Johnson.
This, Lumbard undoubtedly thought, was akin to winning both a Tony and an Oscar in one night. He might not have thought this, I neglected to ask him, but I’d call it a safe guess.
As we took to the dance floor in front of a floor length mirror (great for zipper checks), Lumbard first asked me about my experience.
“No one puts baby in the corner,” I growled back with a cocky sneer.
See, this line is a obscure reference to the smash hit documentary “Dirty Dancing,” starring Patrick Swayze. Only a true dance master would recognize this reference.
Being 50% Puerto Rican, I had entered the room with the safe assumption that there was no dance move that Lumbard would be able to teach me that I wasn’t already fully versed in (thanks to genetics and/or ethnic stereotyping), but then Lumbard broke out the jazz hands. Maaaan booty, it was on.
I tried to follow Lumbard’s heel clicks, hip thrusts and ball steps (yes, this is an actual move), but my body was unwilling to comply.
Finally, using some unseen power (perhaps that of grayskull?), I managed to complete a “bell click.” A bell click, for those unaware, is a special move in which one hops into the air and clicks their heels together. This move is most often done by crazy old prospectors after discovering gold, or just about anyone else who wishes to celebrate an accomplishment in the most flamboyant way possible.
Of course, if your only actual accomplishment is successfully completing a “bell click,” then you may want to follow up this celebratory dance move with a celebratory heavy drinking.
Goofiness aside, I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank director Dirk Lumbard, for allowing us to waste his time.